I'm smelly, gross, tired, and slightly sunburnt. Yes, today we helped move my sister yet again. That girl has entirely way too much crap. How I got the sunburn, I have no idea. I really don't remember being in the sun all that long. Whatever. I guess if the UV rays wanted to feed on me, they were gonna, and silly things like shade weren't standing in their way. Wow. I need a nap.

In other news, I've come to another realization as to why I will either a.) marry Ben, or b.) be single for the rest of my life-- funny girls get no ass! No ass! I thought it was the whole virgin smell thing, and only that. While, yes, this does have something to do with it, but really funny girls have no chance. Boys like them and want to hang out with them because they are friggin' hilarious, but I guess they want a girl to take things "seriously". Maybe they're afraid that they will laugh at them when things do get "serious." However, how on earth will they know if they don't give them a chance?? Assumptions, second-guessing, stereotypeing, shallowness, and vanity are a few things that are bothering me about people right now. Blech.

This is exciting stuff:




take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!

Oh yeah, this is why Sandra is a messed up girl- I hung out with Ryan all night at work which, in turn, Sandra is elated. I enjoy him too. I make him laugh, which is hard to do with some people considering my whacked-out sense of humour. Unfortunately, "I'm hilarious" and that's about it with him. I crack Ben up too and he thinks I'm much more than hilarious. He thinks I'm wonderful and, to my dismay, I'm starting to think the same of him. However, I think I knew that all along. Oh whoa is me. I DON'T WANT TO MARRY BEN!!!

Where to begin?? I really am starting to get the feeling that Ben and I are meant to be. However, I DON'T WANT TO MARRY HIM!!! Phew. Got that off my chest. I mean, the other day was just insane. It was definitely "Sandra and Ben" day at the zoo. Example #1- he's up in the gift shop, as always, talking to me and when he leaves Diane goes, "Is he sweet on you or what?? He's always hovering around you..." Example #2- Katie finds out that Ben and I are the same person (yes, indeed we are) and says, "Well you two would just make the cutest couple." Example #3- Sarah says, "Hmm. I wonder what kind of hair would result in a child produced by you and Ben..." I swear! This was all before 1 o'clock! Yes, I do love Ben, but I'm not in love with him.

Seriously, today though, I felt like such a girlfriend. He was having problems with another co-worker, and he had such a sad look on his face and I had a genuine concern for how he felt. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong until later and I was wondering the whole time what was going on with Ben. I just, I don't know. He's 2 years younger, ergo, still in high school, and I don't know if I can deal with that. It's such a shallow thing to dwell on, but yeah. I know he's quite smitten with me, and I enjoy him to no end, but I don't know about dating him. It's such a crazy situation. Oh yeah, another thing that totally boggled my mind, I didn't see him at all Sunday or Monday, and I missed him! How crazy is that?!? I asked someone today if Ben was gonna come in, and when they said yes, I was happy. What is going on here?! I mean, really. ~sigh~

I am 60% Ska

Well, maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I shouldn't forget my roots, and remember that punk and reggae wouldn't exist without ska.

Take the Ska Test at fuali.com


I am 24% Geek

I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear

Take the Geek Test at fuali.com

I am 29% Punk Rock

Well, I may know what punk is, but... Okay maybe some people think I am punk, but is that enough? Nope.

Take the Punk Rock Test at fuali.com


I am 44% Emo

Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.

Take the Emo Test at fuali.com


Shooot...

Spinnin' 'round this room, I'm thinkin', maybe I have been mistaken. Maybe all those things I told you weren't quite true...

I have this unusual fear of fitting in. People usually fear that they won't fit in or won't make friends, but I fear the opposite. I came to this realization when I joined the speech team at school. I was apprehensive at first about doing it because all the "cool" people are on the team. Then, I realized that most of them prolly graduated and I had no worries, so I joined anyway. Now, I'm finding out here and there who will be on it next year, and that brings about that old "Good lord, I might have to make friends" feeling dancing around in my stomach. Ack. I realized, now, that this is why I didn't join show choir in middle school, although I wanted to, or didn't join scholastic bowl in high school. I just didn't want to do these things, not because I was afraid that I wouldn't make friends and the people wouldn't like me, but because I was afraid that they would like me and would want to be my friend. I have a fear of fitting in. Now, I'm getting all jittery about this speech team business, because I don't want to be cool. I'll feel obligated to talk to people. This probably sounds crazy to some folks, but that's just the way I am. I'm not unfriendly, I'm just, I don't know, selectively social? Stressful, indeed.

I'm hilarious, he tells my friend before they make out. Bah! Why is it that's all I am to boys?? I have so much more than humor. I mean, I don't want them to take me seriously, I just want them to take me. Here and now, um, big boy...

No, but really. I know I'm a fantastic friend and all that, but good lord. When is it time for Sandra to have a boyfriend?! Not a platonic one either! Rar.

I saw one of my favorite people today!!! I didn't get to talk to him, but I saw him signing up for classes, which means he's comming back! Woo woo! I'm very excited, in case you couldn't tell. I'm looking forward to this comming semester. Yay for all the fun people that go to RCC!!!

After all this excitement, I do have some gripes. A boy that I used to "like", but haven't talked to much since the "breakup" (hehe) was online earlier, but I didn't talk to him, and he didn't talk to me. Weird how things workout. Why is it I always express my love to someone, they reject me nicely, and then are all weird? I mean, we can still be friends. Matthew is a good example. He wasn't all that weird after the dumping, but he sucks at being a friend and I got tired of platonically dating him, so now things are weird. I just don't get it. Bah on boys.

I'm excited about this right click thing. So, I'm a little stressed out. I have this paper to write, and very little time to do so. I can crank out a masterpiece in a few hours, but this time thing is killing me. I need to go to Millikin's library and ask someone to check out some books for me. Hopefully, dare to dream, it will be a hot/nice boy. Ha! I guess I'll just settle for the books. =)

I'm a little concerned about going to work tomorrow. Mike left me a "see me" note in my time slot. I have never ever gotten one of these notes. I bet it's because I keep leaving him high and dry, but it's all my mother's fault! She's so friggin' selfish. She needs to learn to share me now and then. Also, I need to call people about the overnight this Friday. Diane will probably yell at me. I don't wanna go! Someone please find an excuse for me to run away to Mexico. Yes, people make hardly any money there, but who needs money?! Not me! I'm so over being here. However, I do want to go to see Ryan. I know I know. He's using me, but better to have been used and used again then never to have been used at all. Yeah, or something like that. I want to see his band again! I love those boys. They are so friggin' hilarious. Ok, I hope my last quiz thingy worked, but I don't think it did. Hmm. Wish me luck about tomorrow! I hope I don't cry...

I have already had a "blog spot", but I never used it and it was super lame. This, however, will be fun! It will, I promise! I just need to let a few things out now and then and I will do so here. That's all for now due to the fact that I need to work on my music appreciation paper on punk rock. (ow ow!)