Theme of the evening...

Boys are dumb! Ok, so I don't think that they are actually the dumb ones, however, they are usually pretty oblivious to anything and everything. I'm just ranting because they get us girls all worked up! They get us worked up by making us all giddy and whatnot, and we (because we are fools, mind you) start liking them! They give us that funny feeling in our tummies. Then, they get us worked up again because they don't talk to us after the giddiness! Why do boys do this? Why?! Each and every boy is guilty of this, too. If you are a boy, don't think you aren't guilty! I have yet to meet one that hasn't done this to at least one girl. Bah!

So, on another note. I'm being all moral-supportive, helpful, motivational, advice-giving, etc... to one of my work-friends. This is something new and different for me. I kinda like it too. I'm full of advice that I prolly should take myself now and then. Unfortunately, in the emotional assembly line of life, I am a dweller. It's what I do. I cannot take my own advice, so I must dwell on why things do not go as I had hoped. Funny how things work out. That's the irony of my freakin' life! I'm choking on the bitter pieces of ironic chewiness (hehe) as we speak! Yeah.

Advice to myself: Suck it up, ya wussie!!

I'm such a girl.

The only movies in the world that make my cry are (don't laugh!) My Girl and Steel Magnolias. I'm looking for another monologue for speech, because the one I had wasn't long enough, and so I am going through several scripts online. Stupidly, because I knew I was gonna cry, I decided to read the My Girl script. All I had to do was read the freakin' title, and the tears started falling. Gah! I'm crying as we speak. However, the part where Vada starts her period and Thomas J (*squeak*) comes over and asks her to swim and she says, "Don't come back for five to seven days!!" still makes me laugh. I was crying during the laughing, though. Blast this movie! The ending, oh the ending... dang it, there they go again. Why didn't they put Thomas J's glasses on?? I mean, really?? He can't see without them! *sobs* I'm a mess...

As for Steel Magnolias... whew! Whenever I want to have a good bawl-fest, that's the movie I go for. I found a fantastic monologue from this movie, but I know I would cry if I tried to pull it off. It's where Julia Roberts has died (whoops, ruined it for ya already), and her mother, Sally Field, is trying to deal with it. It truly is the part of the movie where I cry the hardest, ergo, trying to interpret it in front of people would be a not-good thing. Just so you know, I will never watch this movie with anybody. I watch this movie alone- all alone. Don't get any ideas about trying to see Sandra cry!

I'm gonna go curl up in my bed, in the dark, possibly with a stuffed animal (hmm- I don't think I have any of those left) and cry.

"3 Libras", by A Perfect Circle

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me at all

A few hours later...

My mood has improved. I have found a monologue that I like and will probably be about three minutes! It's from Saturday Night Live by Tina Fey. I love her. If I were a guy, I'd want to father her children. Yeah, or something like that. She's so gosh-darned funny. Yay!

It never fails. I leave my windows down and it starts to rain. I remembered this time, so I ran outside to roll them up and what do I see? My neighbor doing it for me! He's such a nice guy. Yay for great neighbors!

I'm glad I went out and saw him doing that, otherwise I would probably still be in a bad mood. I'm still kinda pissy, but not so much. The reason my mood is not the greatest is because Matt pisses me off. It's not the whole conforming thing, because really, I'm a victim of conformity as well as the next gal. I've conformed to nonconformity or something like that. Anyways- he's an ASSHOLE. I have never been so offended in my life. I don't fit into the categories of people he "put down" today because a.) I'm not black, b.) I'm not homosexual, and c.) I'm not one of "those people". Too bad I like people in every one of those categories. Why on earth did he tell me his "black people theory"? It was ignorant and not worth re-writing, but I told him to never ever say that outloud ever again and that I absolutely did not agree with him. That's how bad it was. I couldn't believe it! Then, he said Ben was "a [f-word for homosexual]", "gay-queer", etc... over and over, no matter how much I told him to stop. I hate words like that. I had to restrain myself from hitting him. All I could do was tell him what I thought. Ben is not gay, and so what if he is? He may seem sterotypicaly "gay" now and then, but just because you look a certain way doesn't mean you are a certain way. Everyone should keep that in mind. Also, don't use slurs to make yourself feel better. I truly despise Matt at the moment. He's exactly what I never want to be.

I tried to stop myself. Really, I did. I'm just a bloggin' fool. Blog at least once a day, every day. It will keep the insanity away, I say. Wow.

Anyways, I found out some gross and obscene things about people I used to go to school with. I knew Meridian was a joke in the "moral" porition of life while I went there, but as I learn more and more about what went/is going on, I'm surprised I made it out alive and with my virginity in tact. I doubt I would have had I been concerned with popularity. That whole anti-social thing really worked out for me in the end I suppose. Lucky me.

In other news, how hard is it to find a freakin' monologue from a movie I like? Hard! I'm gonna have to sit down, watch them, and write down as I go. I found the Almost Famous (my absolute favorite movie) script on the internet, but how many monologues are in the thing? One! It's only a minute, if that, too. That's what I've got so far. Other movies I will check out: The Shawshank Redemption, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, SLC Punk, and A Bronx Tale. I shouldn't leave it to only my favorites, but they are my favorites, so there! I'm off to search some more now.

-50 Random Facts About Myself-


1- I fall in "like" with boys that do not have girlfriends, but are in the middle of a "if I can't have [insert name of girl that does not like the boy as much as the boy likes her here], then I can't have anybody" crush. So, when I come along with my cute little self, they like me, but date me? What? Unheard of! "[Girl he is infatuated with] looked in my direction today! That must mean that she likes me!! ...Sandra? Where'd you go?!"
2- I'm an insecure mess of alot of things.
3- I like sweaters.
4- I loathe shorts.
5- I'm contradictory.
6- I'm obsessed w/ McDonald's breakfast bagels.
7- I'm obsessed in general.
8- I'm a stalker.
9- I'm blunt and brutally honest.
10- I love to laugh.
11- I love to make others laugh.
12- I spend way too much time on the internet.
13- Compromise is the key to happiness.
14- I really miss my dad today.
15- I'm such a girl. (blech- sap!)
16- I despise change for retarded reasons.
17- I'm lonely.
18- I'm gonna marry a rock star.
19- Chrissy is online now! Yay!
20- I'm down with the clown.
21- Clowns scare me.
22- Alot.
23- I'm afraid to plug things in.
24- I wish that I were anywhere, with anyone, making out.
25- I like ripping song lines off random artists.
26- I make myself laugh.
27- All the time.
28- I can tell a story better than you can.
29- I'm modest.
30- My favorite kind of pants are courduroy.
31- I will give you a dollar if you know what song that is from.
32- I work at the zoo-- gift shop SLAVE!
33- My birthday is April 12, 1983.
34- My mom annoys me.
35- My sister annoys me even more.
36- I have a house full of animals.
37- I'm fond of my smile.
38- and my ass. =)
39- I hope you don't know what song that is from because I am poor.
40- I have too much time on my hands.
41- I like to put sappy/lovey song lines in my AIM profile that are directed to no one because I have no one to direct them to.
42- I think they are directed to the society of boys that apply to random fact #1.
43- My favorite color is orange.
44- My car is neither a doorstop nor a bubble.
45- I'm kinda spacey.
46- I'm a cheap date ($4.05!)
47- I'm an excellent traffic-weaver.
48- Hell is mouth breathers and slow turners.
49- (cont'd from #1) These boys I fall in "like" with may also have just gotten dumped by their girlfriend of 12 years. I sure do know how to pick 'em.
50- I want you to want me.

That is all.

I have found Jigga Jeeze! Just thought I'd let you know...



I heart rock stars. =)

Today was such a goofy day. I got to see my Chrissy! I hadn't seen her for a good day and a half. It was quite traumatic for the both of us. We're gonna go on a date tomorrow night. Yay! Saturday we might round up some boys (ok- I will...) and go to a rock show. We will not like it, but the boys we are dragging along will. I hung out with Matthew quite a little bit today too. I just ignore the fact that he has conformed to the "Hi, I smoke because I think it's cool" society. Bah. Dumb boy. I was gonna talk about something else, but I have lost my train of thought. I suppose that is all for now. I have stuff to do because I have a life like that.* Hasta luego!





*Ha! I'll prolly be online all night! Talk to me, AIM-style: SJGBluClu3

Yay for clean bras!

So, I am listening to The Virgin Suicides soundtrack right now. It's not so bad. It's all a bunch of trippy, mellow 70's music. The first song was very rock (Heart), but the rest have been quite trippy. I enjoy it though, so y'all can bite me! I need to do some homework or something. Day three of RCC and I have homework. Bah. I'm just "blogging" right now to avoid doing the homework. Procrastination's my occupation... I think the trippy music is getting to me. The mass amount of drugs that were taken during the recording seeped into the soundwaves and are currently flowing into my ears and now into my nervous system. Yup. Ergo, I am loopy. =)

I'm here at RCC now because I have hours to kill between classes. I would just like to complain about how much of a loser I am. I hate being shy, I really do. I don't want to be a nonsocial "rude" bitch at all, but I can't help it. I'm just shy, meek, little Sandra. Guh! It's such a stressful thing for me. Nonshy people have no idea what I go through. "How hard is it to talk to people?" a nonshy person might ask. "Well," I say, "it just is." It's a disease- a sickness. It's not that I can't think of anything to say, it's just that a million things rush into my mind all at once causing a disaster in my head. Side effects of this include: locking up of the mouth, muttering, incoherent words, fragments, and shifty eyes. I blame it on my family. I really didn't talk the first 13 years of my life because my mom and my sister did it for me. I'm really crazy and funny when people get to know me and those are the lucky ones that my mouth didn't lock up around. I don't know. It's like I have no control of it either. When I force myself to talk, out comes muttered incoherentness. I'm really beating myself up over this. I'm 19! I need to get over it and move on, but I am a dweller yes I am. Now I am tense. This is why I will become a nun.

I'm not anti-social...I'm socially retarded. I apologize for anyone and everyone I have ever been "shady" to. That's just my shyness. So, it's not that I don't want to talk to you or anything like that, I'm just a loser. Yup. =)


So, anyways- day two of RCC. I come in late to history- strike one. I lose the grip on my pencil so it flies across the room (ok, maybe a foot) and hits my professor in the leg- strike two. The pencil falls on the floor so my professor then sort of slides around on top of it. He gets frustrated, picks the pencil up, and slams it on the desk next to me- strike three. So, things are not good in the history department. Someone, for the love of God, call me at 6:00 Thursday morning so I at least get there on time. Then, the day proceeds on. Math was no big deal- a very nice looking boy is in there. Hmm. 2-hour break with Chrissy! It was so weird. All the Meridian kids kept gawking at us. Then, on to Chemistry. THREE Meridian people are in there with me. THREE!!!! I manage to avoid them as much as possible last year, but oh, here they all are. Bah. I really almost fell asleep during that class. My attention span has diminished since high school. YAWN.

Today was the first day of school. *sniffle sniffle* I'll be ok though. I was scared about this speech team business, and I'm still kinda apprehensive, but our leader person is fun. She calls me "Two Tone" because of my hair. I think it won't be so bad. The people on the team are all friendly, so I'll probably end up being "cool". *sigh* They'll figure out that I'm not, but not soon enough. What I have learned today: Matt is still a weirdo, Ryan will always and forever have the best dimples in the world, Jerrod is still my brother, Paco is still intriguing, Jigga Jeeze is missing *tear*, my math professor is still boring, long breaks between classes still suck, random boys are still their cute random selves, and I can't get away from the Meridian kids. Boo. All in all, it was a not bad day. We'll see about tomorrow. (duh, duh, duuuuhhh)

I'm . . . so . . . tired . . .



Yeah, I didn't get home until 4 this morning, and I had to get to be at work at 9. I need a nap. Unfortunately, I have things to do. Blech! In the words of Megan (repeated over and over): "Will you shoot me? Please kill me now?" She's an upbeat one, yes she is.

Because my zoo girls love me, I got off work early. Tonight is gonna be super weird because I'm going to the Highdive with the keepers. WEIRD! I'm so not cool enough to be hanging out with them. Oh, and Suzie- Dan liked the picture of your thong yes he did. Just thought I'd let you know...

So yeah, that's tonight. Last night kicked ass. I like being "friends" with people in bands. Cool bands at that. So we went to see the Killowatts and who should wave at me when I first walk in? Tyson (who is also in RHV). He's a cutie. Then, the Killowatts rocked out and I fell in love with their sound. Tom pointed his drum stick at me once and I melted. Good lord, I'm such a groupie. Once their set was over, Tom came up and introduced himself to us. That was great fun. We hung around and "listened" to Addison (eh) and when they were done we hovered around the merch table and talked to Trevor, Tom, and David (RHV bassist). Trevor and I bonded over our Elvis clothing. We ended up buying the rest of their merchandise, so I think that made them happy. They were a really nice bunch of guys. I think they thought we were weird and amusing all at the same time. Well, maybe Trevor just thought we were weird and David and Tom were amused. Tyson must have thought we were weird and scary, because he didn't come over and chat with us. Oh well. We'll see them all again, I'm sure. Rock and rock! What a great night for a couple of D-town chicas.

I'm scared. My phone has been ringing all day and when I answer it, all I hear are beeps. I made Chrissy call me, but no beeps when she called. Yipes! What if the aliens are trying to signal me? Why me?!? I've got them beat though. I'm online now, so when the aliens call, all they will get is a busy signal. Ha! I just hope I don't get an instant message beeping at me. Wow. I need to stop watching scary movies. Speaking of...

Signs was incredibly horrifying. I wanted to go home in the middle of it. I'm usually not a wussy when I watch movies like that, but wowza. I was scerd. The whole green alien man thing was kind of lame, but ignore that when you watch it. I still get all jittery when I think about it. I'm gonna stop writing about the movie now. *squeak*


Now tonight will be a fun night. Decatur has a rock show! A good one! I've never heard The Amazing Kill-o-Watts before, but I'm sure I will like them. The band is friends with the valentines, so they can't be that bad. Yay! I'm gonna go rob a bank now so I can eat. If you are the Ominous Beeper (yes I named my caller), stop calling me!!!!!!

School starts Monday. It seems like I just got done with the summer classes, now here come the fall ones! When can a girl get a break?! Sheesh! Now, I shall rant about the boys in my life:


~Matthew~

Let's go back a year, shall we? Yes, I did indeed have a crush on this boy. Ok, no, I was quite infatuated with and smitten by him. He was a really nice boy who didn't care what other people thought, was not really "hot", but I didn't want to puke when I saw him (see? I'm not that shallow. I can't describe the boy's attractiveness), and I made him laugh. Anyways- I exposed my "thang" to him. Wow, that was not what I meant to say. I expressed my feelings for him. There. He, however, only liked me as a friend. Which, of course, was what I expected due to the whole funny girl/virgin smell thing... So, I did just that. I was his friend (platonically dating at the time says my friends). I didn't flirt with him nearly as much, and we adjusted to being friends quite nicely. Then he just got weird. Our friendship kind of faded into aquaintanceship. We only talked to eachother when no one else was around to talk to. Weird stuff. Perhaps we both changed and realized that we didn't have as much in common as we had thought. Who knows. It's not that I miss the "old Matt" and want him back because I don't, it's just that when people who "don't care about what other people think" change for stupid reasons and admit those stupid reasons out loud, it bothers me. I'll get over it somewhere down the road, but for now he pisses me off. I'm sorry we don't hang out with him every night like back in the day, and he has no other friends now. I'm sorry we (or I rather) like Ryan and every other zoo boy more than him. I suppose I could make an effort to get inside his head or something dumb like that, but oh- been there done that. My effort was much greater than his effort and for that, he being a part of the we is a thing of the past. Unfortunately, Chrissy "I'm annoyingly friendly" Whitacre will try to rekindle friendship with the boy and I will be forced to try to not yell at him. Bah.

~Ben~

Oh Ben. I think this kid just needs some ass and he's thrusting his need in my direction. Yesterday was about all I could handle Ben-wise. I was training new girl Sheila in the gift shop, and of course Ben comes to visit me. Sarah is in there at this point too. Ben all tries to lay a guilt trip on me because he got me a birthday present and I did not get him one. He was waiting and waiting for one, because I said I would get him one because he got me one, but when I didn't he was sad. *note- I didn't get him one because I didn't want to lead him on anymore than he thinks I already do* So, Sheila says that I'll have to make up for it double next year and Ben says, "uh oh" like I do whenever someone says something naughty and waited for a reply. I say nothing because I feel that was the best way to handle that situation. However, I probably should have said something negative. Anyways, the point of that story is: Ben is a funny guy who is really nice, but me no likey. He's a leach! I'm suffocating! Go away! Rar.

Those are the boys of the moment, but I'm sure more will come as the year progresses. I keep seeing my RCC boys which I'm sure will bring on some more stories during the semester. I'll keep you posted. Word.

Hey guess what. I didn't see Ben for a good long time, and (phew) I didn't miss him! This might seem mean, but I was quite excited. I started thinking about this when I was reading through some past blogs that were dwelling on the Ben thing. So... Yay! I'm not gonna marry him!

Speaking of marriage- I'm getting married August 6, 2005. To whom, I have no idea, but this is what the wedding date predictor on emode.com tells me. It seems like a resonable date, so I'll keep that in mind. I suppose I have to get one of those boyfriend things first though. Maybe I should work on that.

My back is a sea of blisters. Yes, my friends, I have another sunburn. A spiteful one that likes to drain itself throughout the day causing me to wear an old lady sweater. I tell you the sun hates me. What did I do to piss it off? Did I spread rumors about it during study hall? Did I vandalize a park bench with offensive libel in its name? "The Sun sucks shade!" it says.... No, I did nothing of the sort. I was minding my own business, reading a book under a tree. Nothing more, nothing less. Rar. When you see the sun next, say to it, "Sandra knows what you are up to it and she's none too happy. Fear her wrath! Fear it!" then go lurk in the shadows somewhere so the sun doesn't get to you next. "Bring it on, biotch!" I shall shout to the sun tomorrow morning as I give it the finger and slather on some SPF 50. "What now?? You're UV rays aren't so tough now, huh? SIT DOWN!"

We'll see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully it will be not so oozey tomorrow and not at all oozey by the weekend. I hope you are watching your back, sun, because I will be armed with my sunscreen, an old lady sweater, and an indoor job. Ha! I dare you to get me now!

Because I am my dear friends' only comic relief, I have been forced to update this. I'm sorry! I have been busy!

So the little family vacay to Arkansas/Memphis/St. Louis w/ my mother and sister wasn't so horrible, but it did make me realize that I do indeed like to spend time ALONE. Being trapped in either a car or a hotel room with the two of them for 6 days straight was quite a task. Be proud of me, for my sanity was kept and no blunt objects were thrown. Here's a little recap of the trip:


~Arkansas~

Nine dead, upside down armadillo on the side of the road. My sis and I were dissapointed- we wanted to reach double digits.

Pine Mountain Jamborie... Yes this is real and yes we went to it. It was a musical/comedy/variety show thing. They had a little act at the beginning, and in my mother's embarrasing fashion, she got involved in it. She could have kept her mouth shut, but she yelled something out and became a part of the act. *sigh*

Eureka Springs Hoedown... Yes this is real and no we didn't go to it. We almost did, but I took pictures of the outside instead.

Little Rock Zoo... This place is huge. However, their train is $2 a person, goes only around the petting zoo, and the engineer doesn't say a word. Booya! Scovill Zoo has y'all whooped in the train department. It was a fun zoo to go to if you happen to get lost and find yourself in Little Rock.

All in all, Arkansas is a pretty place, but it's a little too redneck hick for me thanks. If I had a dime for every Confederate flag I saw flyin', I'd be rich indeed.


This brings us to ~Memphis~

Now, I am not a big Elvis fan, but Graceland is pretty awesome. This month is the 25th anniversary of his death, so things were a little hardcore around the place. I almost bought a cardboard cutout of "The King" to put in Chrissy's and my future apartment, but lo, I had spent most of my money on a guitar earlier on the trip. Sorry, Chriss. After Graceland, we went to Beale Street. I do enjoy this place. It's so raunchy and raw. We ate at (it was a theme night apparently) Elvis's restaraunt. The food sucked and I scared some people with my hair. The best part was when a little girl fell flat on her back out of her high chair. Now, any other little kid would have screamed or cried, but this little girl started laughing. She got to laughing so hard that her entire family was rolling. It was great.

~St. Louis aka "The Lou"~

Blech. Nothing fun or amusing. I didn't get to swing by the Amoco and talk to my husband Bobby. Oh well. It's destiny I tell you, destiny!! We shall meet again and it will be magic.

What I learned about myself throught this trip: I have cool hair and "nice chucks". I already knew this though. Oh well. That is all for now. More rantings later...