It's the last day of 2002. Let's have a recappycap of what I remember month by month...Yes, everyone does this, but I'm a sheep. Baaaa!


January- got a crush on a boy and semi-did something about it and stalked him Sandra-style, Dad was rushed to the hospital because his heart-beat was super slow, took an impromptu trip to the Children's Museum with Ben after tromping through Rock Springs with the Explorers, reunite with Renizzle via speech class...

February- "You should come to Punk Rock Prom" says the boy, but I go to BU with the girls instead, whooped up on a guy in our Group Discussion presentation speech about immigration- poor kid couldn't say anything by the time I was done with him (baBAM!), Dad is home all month to recouperate, very last day of the month- my "now or never" day- I plan on talking to the boy, but as I approach him my heart gets stomped as I watch another girl come out of nowhere and write her number on his hand...lucky me.

March- R-dawg and I get to be better friends and the RCC characters arise, my dad starts back at work and so do I so we see less and less of each other, Renee and I go to see Encounter for the first time at the Red Couch which is the first poke into that insane world..., Sarah Logan seems to dissapear off the planet.

April- work begins and on opening day I get the flag stuck up in the tree so I have to climb it to get it out, find out that one of the new girls just had a threesome the night before, and help a fellow employee run away from home (I know...), Dad dies unexpectedly on the 9th, my birthday is on the 12th, dye my hair blonde on a whim, go to see Incubus, get groped one too many times in the crowd, but get sweated on by Brandon Boyd...

May- saw RHV for the first time at Millikin and become a fan for life, flirted with the Roy G. Biv boys at the same show and got another band crush, Ben stole the Greater Decatur Duck Derby duck for me, went to two more RHV shows at the end of the month and saw the Plain White T's at one of them- Chrissy was hit on by the lead singer...another band crush ensued, first year of college ended and working during the day with Crazy Sheila and Bitchy Rachel became quite the event- they both quit within a week...

June- summer school with Chrissy, Mr. Bowlby, and my extremely offensive music teacher, mom and sister go insane and "take away my driving privledges" because I was staying out until 2 in the am, pool party at Ben's which results in a trip to Monticello for ice cream where Suzie jumps a curb and busts both of the tires on her right side, I dye my hair black/blonde, RHV video shoot (yay!), more fights with mom and sister over driving...I win, the break into the Headhunter crowd begins, the funnest year at the zoo continues...

July- summer school ends and Mr. Bowlby is still friggin' boring but hilarious, we move my sister from apartment to apartment and meet "Pot Head Ed", my mom, sister, and I take a family vacay to Arkansas/Tenesse/Misourri- fun, but too much family time!

August- we go see The Amazing Killowatts at the Red Couch and meet Trevor, Tom, and David- all of which have since acknowledged our presence, went to the High Dive with Mindy and the zoo keepers...weirdness, school starts and I'm annoyingly shy, the crazy Encounter kids start to pull me in, Chrissy and I establish our gross friendship, the speech team begins to consume my time.

September- West Nile comes and conquers Scovill Zoo- people begin to call us and tell us about the dead birds in their yard, I begin to get all deep and intense over stuff, Chrissy and I went to visit Renee and Jessica at Southern and have THE FUNNEST WEEKEND EVER, I begin to fail Calculus, I go to an RHV show "alone" (ok, so Aaron said he'd be my friend, but I didn't expect him to babysit me or anything...), my crush on a certain boy heightens, Melissa Keathley and I have a deep conversation on why I should/shouldn't date Ben...

October- I drop Calculus, Renee, Chrissy, and I go to see OKGo and RHV at the Canopy Club- rocked our friggin' world, POST CRAM JAM, the drama with Jake and the Headhunter crew, crush on boy heightens more, BOO AT THE ZOO, I start to become better friends with the speech team boys because they start to realize I'm insane, Mike Hagan hypothetically wins the 'BATZ volunteer' award, I become the only virgin left at the zoo...

November- crush on boy is put to the side, speech team competitions are crazy-fun, I AM NOT VIOLENT, two words: Zoo Key, Melissa tells me that Ben still hearts me, a brief encounter of the Heidi kind, Plain White T's show with Chrissy, Suzie, Aaron, and Sam- Chrissy leaves her keys in her sister's car...which is in Peoria, I begin to "work my magic", I start getting a crush on another boy (dang, I'm flighty)

December- Mike's a "jerk" (tee hee), woot takes over, I'm the only girl on one of the speech trips, crush on other boy falls flat, I GOT A SPEEDING TICKET, still "working my magic", we find our house in Chambana, break is forever long, drama drama drama, girly dates, Christmas came and went, Mike's a "nerd" (tee hee), and over the entire semester I have aquired a few really good friends...


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I never realize how much of a girl I am until I watch movies of two extremes. Two examples: Two Weeks Notice and We Were Soldiers.

The first is a total chick flick. I normally do not enjoy these kinds of movies, well- as of late, but this one was sooo cute. The swoon factor was way up, and the cheesy ending was adorable. It made me feel all warm and girly inside. Also, might I note, that any recent J. Lo movie (minus Enough) has pretty much the same effect. Maid in Manhattan, Angel Eyes, and The Wedding Planner... Girly!

The second is such a guy movie. It was really good despite all the gory violence. I have never heard so many screams and squeals come from my mouth before. It's a good thing only Suzie and I were watching it because we'd never live it down if anyone else were with us. Something gross would happen (ex: this guy's face was burning, so one of his fellow soldiers proceeded to cut off the area that was on fire...), and Suzie and I would shriek, hide behind a pillow, and yell "WE'RE GIRLS!!! WE'RE GIRLS!!!" Then we would laugh at ourselves for being so girly and wuss-like. The movie made my heart pound quite a little bit.

While I'm not your average girl... I have my girly-girl moments. I'm not gonna squeal when I see a spider, but I will swoon when a happy ending occurs. Then again, every girl I hang out with is like this, give or take a few. =)

My hair is now officially one color- black. I feel annoyingly like everyone else in the world now.

Oh well- hair color ain't everything. I'm darned cute no matter what the color. =)


...no, I miss the technicolorness of my hair. It was all, "Wow...someone needs to STOP coloring her hair" and sometimes, "Look at me! I have split-personality disorder...I'm a brunette! I'm a red-head! No, black! I'm a blonde!"

RIP, multi-colored/"two toned" hair: 6/27/02-12/28/02 (six whole months, kids!)


*sigh*

Happy thought- date with Jessica tonight! Woot! =)

Books, books, I like books.


Suzie and I are gonna go book-shopping today! Hooray! After the fifty-million Mike Hagan threw at us last night {thank you, by the way =) }, we feel the need to catch up. I know for sure I'm buying Lulluby, another Chuck Palahniuk book, because I've been itching to buy it since I read Choke. Mike suggested A Clockwork Orange, Demon Box, and Different Seasons for me, and several war-type authors for Suzie.

Woot for new books!

Today is going to be a fun day- I can feel it.

I feel so fine, I feel so elated... (if you know that reference, I will give you chapstik!)

I'm tired of having dramatic conversations. My sister and I had one today, but this time it felt good to get things out to her. She's my big sis, you know, and it's nice to know she's there for me.

...wow- that was very much a Full House moment. Blech.

I'm really happy the holidays are somewhat over because I miss everyone! Too much family time, not enough friend time! Now that whatever drama is over, we need to get together. Tomorrow, kids, it'll be on!

All of a sudden I got the urge to run around outside in the snow- I need to get out of this house!!!!!

My Christmas was not so bad.

That is all.


~Now, let's talk about Monopoly~

If you want to win at a game- play this with me (don't touch me on Uno or Jenga...).

If you want to lose at a game- play my mother.

She is viscious and vile. Not only did she run me dry, she ran my sister dry. Not only did she run my sister dry, she ran THE BANK dry. I have never played a game of Monopoly where the bank had nothing left but ones. Whenever she passed Go, I was handing her property cards in place of money. When all was said and done- the bank was left with $28, Connecticut Ave., and two hotels. She had EVERYTHING else. It was a disgusting display let me tell you. I lost it all early on, but my sister kept pushing. I knew it was over when Mom had every $500 bill in the bank, but Tammy was persistant. She kept on keepin' on. She rolled a seven, rounded "Go to Jail", and landed on Pennsylvania Avenue with a hotel... She looked up at me with defeat on her face. "$1400!!!" Mom cried. That was it. It was over. Tammy had about $400 left to her name...

Moral of the story- my mother will DESTROY you limb by limb in the game of Monopoly. Don't even try, it's hopeless. =)


Feliz Navidad!

A different quiz, what strange type of person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


A dreamer is your type. Seen as "not quite there", you see things that few do. You make people think, and your friends turn to you for insight.

Perhaps it's because the most dramatic year of my life is coming to an end, or perhaps it's this stupid holiday...

Last night, I had two of the deepest conversations. One was more of a vent about the people in my life, and the other was pretty much heart-wrenching. What do you do when the other half of your soul, the person who's weathered many a storm with you, the person who knows you than better than family...doesn't trust you?

Things were said that stung. Hard. It was like "hey- lets take all of Sandra's affection and reason for being, shape it into a spear-like object, and jut it into her heart." I know what was said was out of frustration and lack of understanding on both sides. I said some equally hurtful things, and I'm sorry. Neither of us can take them back... We're all growing up and changing. In different ways, we're gonna have to accept that.


I'm calling for a do over. The entire year of 2002 needs to happen again, but only this time- I'll be prepared for what's to come. I'll be able to handle myself. Learning from your mistakes is what life is all about, I suppose. Those who are there for the mistakes never forget them, and if they're vile- they'll never let YOU forget them.

As for the first conversation... I got out of it the things I dislike about myself and what I want to work on.

-I'm selfish. I like for things to be done my way and sometimes get in the way of others. I've known this forever, which is why on projects in school in stuff where we could opt to work alone or in a group- I chose alone because I didn't want to have to compromise.
-I'm mean. Some may disagree, but when it comes right down to it- don't get into an argument with me because I WILL get you right where it hurts and just as you feel the sting, I'll twist the knife and pour some salt on it. I'm pretty viscious and unforgiving. My mom and sister know this all too well.
-I'm too idealistic. I have this annoying notion that everything will turn out just as I had hoped which is why I get crushed all too often. I also sugar-coat everything with hopes that it'll be better.
-I dwell. I beat myself up for things that have happened. I fester around with the thoughts in my head and start to look more and more down on myself. I'm not everything I can be.
-I've gotten waaaaay unmotivated. I know I'm smart. I know I could do something grand. I know that I'm not "applying" myself as much as I could.
-I crave attention. I have to be funny all the time- I know this is a defense mechanism...thank you, Freud. Maybe it's not that I crave attention, it's that I create attention to make people forget about me. I know that makes no sense and prolly isn't what happens, but I wish it would. "Make a joke, and maybe they won't notice you- or who you really are."
-I get too attached to people. I definitely don't smother people, or anything like that, but I don't share how I feel about them so they have no idea. Then they gradually fade away and I'm hurt because I miss them. I should really tell this one person how I feel because things are gonna happen, but they don't have to...
-I keep things inside to a point of eruption. Angry bursts of frustration fire out of me now and then. This really scares me, because I know I'm not like that. I'm just sporadically like that.
-I'm annoyingly self-assured. I like myself. I know why I'm so great. I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else, but I know why people should like me. (That was the most self-centered thing I have ever written, but hey- I AM self-centered...)

We all have faults. I know I have more than just that, but those are the ones I want to work on.

Things are getting thick...give me something shallow to talk about!

I'm starting a kiss ass portion of my blog. It shall appear out of nowhere now and then, and shall be labled "Why I like...". I may be kissing a song's ass, a movie's ass, whatever- but mostly I'll be kissing people's asses. Actually, I'm beginning to feel merry and want to let people know why I like them so much.

Let's begin.

*ahem*

Why I like...

~Renee Speckman~

-she's the shyest person I know
-she blushes easily
-she's hott and doesn't even know it
-boys pine for her, yet she's oblivious to it
-we understand eachother
-she's the co-inventer of Vagina Day
-she's gonna open a club in St. Louis and call it "Club Mayhem" (i think...)
-she can ghetto-talk you under the table
-two words: LAP DANCE =)
-she's the funnest person to sit on the RCC couches and people-gawk with
-she likes 2Ge+her...
-she went to see Nelly in concert
-she worked at a pool all summer with Justin Kierbs
-she makes me laugh
-we both failed at our "no talking to boys" day
-her theory on life cracks me up
-we had the best stories (Jigga Jeeze!)
-R-dawg, Renizzle, Reneezie, R-niz, Rezinee, etc...
-her parents are cool
-she's the best!

I've said it before and I'll say it again...


I LOVE QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE


Every song on this CD rocks me inside and out. "Six Shooter" freaks me out a little, but that'll happen. Why didn't anyone tell me about them before? They've been around for awhile, kids. This is CD number three for Queens. I feel way out of the loop. The band's lineup has changed alot over the years, but that happens too. I like! I like! I likey!


...anyways. Christmas is Wednesday. That's craziness. I'm unprepared this year. I'm all behind on my wrapping and not in the mood for yuletide cheer. Bah.

I don't know how everyone feels about their parents, but do you ever get the urge to just flick them in the forehead?

Today, my mom and I went to Perkins for lunch, and she was talking and being her usual frustrating self, and I seriously got this overwhelming urge to take my fork and just fling it at her. She doesn't listen to me. AT ALL. She says, "you never talk, so I don't know how you're feeling..." This is true. However, I never talk to her because she doesn't listen!

On our car ride back home, I just vented things out to her. I told her how I think she's selfish, overbearing, and suffocating. She says, "you two are all I have left now." I tell her that we know this and she acts like she's the only one who has lost a family member...etc... When we get home, she basically ignores everything I had said and goes back to being her "oh woe is me" spiel. We lost a DAD! Granted, my sister and I have never lost a husband so we don't know how it feels. Granted for her, she has never lost a dad. Her's is friggin' 91 years old and living with us.

It's just- she got to have him way longer than the rest of us. I got shorted in the dad department. Almost nineteen years was not long enough. PLUS- need we not forget that he died three days before my birthday. Every year from now until forever, Mom and Tammy are gonna be overly and openly sentimental about everything when all I'll want to do is get my presents, eat some cake, and leave.

Tammy got him through college and through all that "going into adulthood" stuff. I wanted him to be there for that too. He would have been way excited about coming over to Chambana to visit us throughout the years...
I guess I'm lucky because I got him during the kid years, and have all the memories of playing games with him and whatnot. Too bad he got me during my teens. I was a horrible daughter, I really was. I still am. Maybe I should work on that? Nah...


Guh, back to Mom... She just doesn't understand, and neither of us have the best communication skills. I'm selfish, I know I am- but I don't expect her to drop everything and help me ALL THE TIME. I really don't know where Tammy and I got so damned independent, because she sure is not. She's always been like this too, so it's not just because Dad's gone. She needs to buck up and learn to do things on her own.

~That was my mom vent...I know I'm lucky to have one who cares and could have it alot worse off, but we all need our dramas, and she is mine.~

### I apologize to Jess, Steph, and Renee for standing them up Friday ###

Yesterday was an eventful day.

So the Whit girls and I went to the mall to Christmas shop for their mother. We get there and Chrissy and I were insanely popular...
Suzie would have been too, but that's what we get for going to Richland. We knew entirely way too many people and every one of them felt the need to stop and talk. EVERY ONE OF THEM!

The one person I was actually really happy to see was Trent Peckert. He's an old friend from waaay back in the day. I didn't realize I missed him until I saw him with his bright orange hair. He and Jennifer Tucker (girl who is in love with him, but lo- he is a homosexual and that's not gonna happen... poor Jennifer) walked into SamGoody, so I had to go say hi. I "psssst"ed them and he was like, "Wow! I haven't seen you in years!" This is true- I haven't seen him since, give or take a month or so, my Jr. prom (he was my date). He was his funny self and I realized that I missed him a little bit. It made me happy to see him.

Everyone else on the other hand... gah! It's really ok to be antisocial now and then, really it is.

On a side note- the guy with the helicopter toy in the middle of the mall...

HOTT

Oh yeah- HOTT.


Then tonight we had a CD burning party (sorry, Mike...we're poor college students!)-

I got out of the party...

Fairfax
Blindside
System of a Down
311
Jimmy Eat World
Alkaline Trio
Pedro the Lion/The Anniversary in queue...

Because I have better taste, Suzie got...

Foo Fighters
Reel Big Fish
Queens of the Stonage
The Amazing Killowatts
OkGo
Ozma
The Get Up Kids
Pedro/Anniversary in queue
Audiovent
Sublime
Sondre Lerche
30 Seconds to Mars


Suzie and I also had our pineapple/veggie pizza. This pizza is the most wonderful-tasting thing in the world. However, it smells like butt. It is the WORST smelling thing ever...next to my car that is. It's yummy, so we'll forgive it for it's hideous odor.

*drool*

A little poem I wrote...

I don't quite know if it's finished or not. We'll see.

"Unrequited Love"

It starts with a simple boy who's love is in vain.
The girl he loves is slightly insane.
She wants a boy who's heart is all there.
His heart is all there for the girl with blonde hair.

The girl with blonde hair looks into the mirror.
"Dang I'm pretty!" she says with no fear.
The guy who wants her, pines from afar.
She looks in his direction, and hops in her car.

"Did you see that?!" he asks the crazy girl.
"That MUST mean she likes me, I'll give it a whirl!"
The crazy girl shakes her head with a smile.
"That silly boy will like ME in awhile..."

"What's that?" he asks, mind still on the other.
"Nuh-nothing, let's go," she says with a stutter.
The simple boy is alone with a tear in his eye.
"Why doesn't she love ME, oh why oh why?"

And so it continues, this circle of love.
It's really a line, when push comes to shove.
"You should love me!" that is what's said.
But love's not returned when it's unrequited.


***Help me with the last line! It's changed 50 times! Guh!***

I'm back home!

This makes me slightly sad. I missed the home convieniences, but I really like Chambana. I could live there. Oh wait! I AM gonna live there!

Our house, my friends, is ghetto cute. It needs some help and everything will be ghetto-rigged, but it will work for us. Oh- and the orange shutters...

THEY'RE STAYING! yup.

Just so everyone knows- Lord of the Rings: Two Towers rocked my face (yes, Suzie- my face). The part with the trees had me saying, "Yeah BITCHES!". I think I raised my fist. Three hours, nothin'. It was fan-friggin'-tastic. I would so go see it again, and I'm usually not a big fan of this sort of stuff. This one was better than the first one too. It's also a plus that Orlando Bloom and Elijah Wood are hot. It's a wonderful movie besides that...I'm just sayin'. ;-)

Is Christmas over yet? I'm ready for this hooplah to be done with. Don't get me wrong, 'tis the season to be jolly, buuuut eh- not so much. I'm totally not in the mood. I'll prolly watch Trading Spaces all day on Christmas- there's a marathon. I'm excited about it.

Woot.

So I have been "cleaning" all night.

This means I have had intentions to clean my room, but got sidetracked with a fun new project.

I removed everything from all of my CD cases- which made me realize where all my money has gone these past few years- made neat piles of CD inlets and whatnot, and was left with A LOT of clear plastic cases strewn about...

"Sandra," I said to myself, "A LOT of plastic CD cases are strewn about your room. Can you do something about it? Can you, I don't know, use these somehow?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed back at myself. "Yes I can!"

And so there I was, inspired to make more junk art. I took out the middle part that holds the CD, threw those away (be proud, I almost kept them...), grabbed my nail polish and acrylic paints, and away I went. "Stained glass windows" are what came to be. I'm thinking I'll make picture frames with some, and possibly cover a desktop with others. Ooooor- in our new house, I was thinking of making wall paper or something.
I don't know- I have a plethora of ideas floating around in my head right now.

See? My attention span for "grownup" work is nil. None. I tried to clean my room, really I did. I managed to get my bedding to the basement to be washed, cuz Lord knows when the last time that happened. I would just rather live in my mess and paint it. Paint the mess with finger nail polish, and decoupage dirty words to it.

*light bulb*

I'll decoupage dirty words to the cases too!

I don't know what my deal has been with this creative kick. I asked my mom if I could paint and rearrange the dining room. She gave me a look, thinking I'd paint it "Easter Jelly Bean" green like I did the basement (yes I did). I wouldn't though, I'd be tasteful, I swear! It's all white and boring...


PS. I'm going to be gone and not able to blog for a few days- think about this for me, will you...

What should I be when I "grow up"? I'm asking seriously because I need to figure this out in the near future... Let me know! =)

Jessica- do you remember when we did this?


Skinamarinky dinky dink
Skinamarinky do.

Te amo.

Te amo por la mañana
y por la tarde.
Te amo por la noche
por debajo de la luna.

Oh!

Skinamarinky dinky dink.
Skinamarninky do.

Te amo.


That was the song from the Sharon, Lois, and Bram's Elephant Show in Spanish, you fool.

Read a book. ;-)

So I just got off the phone with Teri again, and she's found a house that she likes just as well. Only this time, it has four bedrooms! Woot for that! It's not "as cute or as fancy" as the smaller one, but I really don't care. Chrissy and I were planning on living on the corner of campus in a cardboard box, with our "homeade" furniture and this...



Yeah, we're still gonna have this stuff, only in the comfort of our own bedrooms! Heck yeah!

She's made an appointment to go look at the houses on Thursday at 4:30. Check your calendar, Chrissy- we're going shopping!

woot

So here's the plan:


I'm going to be quiet.
I'm going to speak when spoken to.
I'm going to sit and look "pretty".
I'm going to not tease anyone.
I'm going to not laugh/giggle/chuckle/etc...
I'm going to mind my p's and q's.
I'm going to pretend I didn't know what that joke meant.
I'm going to be congenial and pleasant.
I'm going to not say exactly what I'm thinking.
I'm going to keep my vocabulary to a minimum.
I'm going to smile when someone looks at me.
I'm going to keep my sense of humor to myself.
I'm going to be dainty and lady-like.
I'm going to be miserable, bored, and annoyed.
I'm going to suck it up and deal.


~Take that as you will~


PS. NOT gonna happen...I have the attention span of a tumble weed, and the maturity level of an eight-year-old boy...
Maybe I should work on that?

Our house, in the middle of our street...


We're gonna have a house! Yaaaaay!


Teri Bowman gave Chrissy and me a ringy-dingy today, and we're going house shopping sometime this week! Hooray!

This is exciting stuff, kids. All we need to do is get accepted into the U of I.

HMMMM. Can we do it? YES WE CAN!

No more distractions next semester. None.

Ok, MAYBE a few. =)

...oh what you do to me.


No one knows.


(bah duh duh duh, bah bah duh duh)

*shaking head back and forth, drumming on desk, wiggling butt, rocking out in general*


I realized you're mine.
Indeed a fool am I...

The gift that you give to me.


No one knows.


*rocks out some more*


Yeah, it's 10 o'clock in the morning, and I'm well! Nary a cough nor sniffle, tummy grumble nor headache. The world is right again!


*rocking out*

I ate food, and my tummy had no qualms about it! Yay!


Soooo, can I stop pretending like nothing is going on now? You know what I'm talking about, too...


"You've got something that I've never seen. You like me, I like you, you know what I mean- these days are few and far between..."


HMMMMMM.

I'm done now. Ok, maybe not- but for the time being I am. I'm gonna be out of a job in a couple days. Anyone else need me to hook you up with someone?? I work for free, except for the whole "You owe me big time, bucko!" I announce semi-later in the game.

Hey, by the way...

I feel much better now. I'm sniffly, but it's December- who isn't?

I woke up and looked at the clock- it said 12:18. Yeah, I have been sleeping since 8 o'clock last night. Sooo, I guess I missed the NKOTB on E!. Dangit... It'll be on again, I'm sure.


For once, I have nothing to blog about. This is what I get for sleeping 20/24 hours of the day.

On that note, I haven't eaten since Thursday morning- time for food!

Sooo, what have YOU been doing since one o'clock this morning?

That's neat- really it is.


What have I been doing?


SLEEPING AND PUKING!!!!


Just when I think I'm all done w/ the gross stuff and go back to sleep, a wave of nausea hits me. All I wanna do is sleep! Right now I'm taking a breaky-break, cuz really- being sick is hard work. Hopefully it's just a 24-hour flu thing, and doesn't last much longer. Ha! Dare to dream!

I want to aplogize ahead of time if anyone aquires my disease. I think I used the entirety of my immune system willing Mike to be well. I want it back, Mike, or at least return the favor! =)

Orange juice, Nyquil, Sweater. I'm all over it. I just don't think my body is a fan. I haven't exhumed this much from my body since the infamous night at Bradley... HMMMM.

Perhaps I've contracted a parasite? From what, I don't know. Lettuce, maybe? You know us "vegans"...

I need to go dope myself up again. Gotta love blacking out for a couple hours, then waking up to vomit...


EWWWW.

I bitch-slapped my chem exam, and my lab write-up... not a word. I got a 19/20 on the thing too. Not too shabby for having to make things up as I went along.


So far, this has been a good day. I have a million things to do, but ya know what- I've got time now, baby. Time- does anyone know what that is?

List of things to do this weekend:
-sleep
-clean my rooms
-clean my car (It smells like burnt stale ass!)
-LAUNDRY
-make Chrissy watch A Christmas Story
-friend time!


"You know that everytime I try to go where I really want to be, it's already where I am- cuz I'm already there." <---I've got a new tube of chapstick for anyone who knows where that line is from.


PS. Mike Hagan!! Winter Wonderland at the zoo is the 13th-28th of December, 5-9 pm. I'm sure you've found this out already, but since you've asked a couple times, I'm telling you now.

My birthday is in exactly four months!!



Put THAT in your bowl and smoke it.


baBAM!


So, I woke up early to study for my chem final and to write up a lab report that I was only present for half of. I was there for half of it, so I'm only half cheating, right? Riiiiiight.
Anyways- as I'm studying, I'm realizing that I remember everything. How?? History sho did not stick with me. It'll all go away once I get in there, though. I'm not looking forward to the test, but I AM looking forward to seeing Kelly Catlin one last time. Weird name- cool guy. We were chem homies...when I was there. Yeah- I'm gonna go study now...

Forget that- it's time for oatmeal. Yum.

Weirdness.

A guy I haven't talked to in ages (ok- a month) IM'd me out of the blue. We used to talk all the time back when Renee first introduced us, but then we met in person when I went to visit R-Dawg in September, and I think that ruined it somehow. I don't know how, but it did. However, tonight he was all "Hey! Long time, no talk!" and then it was nonstop chatty Dave. The thing about him is, I think he needs someone to vent to. That's where I come in, and that's just what he did.

People always vent to me. I'm really ok with it too. In fact, I like it when people just let it go with me. I like to think that I give good advice now and then, and if I don't have anything wise to say, at least I was there for them to listen.

The other thing about Dave is that he lets me vent to him. We vent about guy/girl stuff, and it was like he came in at just the right time. Not when the wound was fresh, but when the band-aid is covering it. It's still there, but not staring me in the face, which makes it easier to talk about. (What is WITH me and my weird analogies...?) I didn't vent to him nearly as much as I have in the past, but I got out my fair share.

Back to people venting to me- please feel free to do so. For those of you who do and have, you know it's not so bad with me. It makes me feel good to help someone. In fact, it helps with me working on being nice and unselfish. Mean and selfish- yup, that's me! I'm pretty shameless too...

New Years Resolution: Start doing things for the good of good, and stop doing things for the good of me.


...how else am I going to save the world and have a day named after me??

I hear this alot-


"You can't quit!!!!"


~by two crazed, obsessed Sandra fans who shall remain nameless...
~Kim told me I couldn't quit my wrapping job
~Mike Huff said, "You of all people can not quit the speech team."
(Why, I have no idea- I'm not good. Friggin' weird.)
~my mother about going to her with shows
~EVERYONE when I said that I was quitting boys
~Renee and Sarah at work when I was joking about quitting the zoo

There have been other times, but I can't remember them right now. These have been the most recent. I guess since everyone wants me to keep up the good work, I'll just have to keep on keepin' on.

Chemistry final tomorrow... meh.

I quit school. =)

My history final- not so bad. A weee bit too early in the morning, but not too bad. Next up- speech. Ha!

I'm in the mood to CD/movie shop. Chrissy better be too. I'm in the mood to buy Queens of the Stonage and A Christmas Story. I need a new book to read, too. Hmmm.

Why is it whenever I know I'm gonna be low on money, I go and spend more?? This is what stress does to me, kids.

Speaking of stress- if anyone has any old magazines, preferably w/ people (non of that music stuff you were lusting for that one night, Aaron Stanley...) that they'd be willing to donate to me, I'd be very grateful. My table needs some finishing touches, and I've totally ran out of lips. That, and I'm tired of buying fashion magazines. I feel weird buying them. I put them in between my Jane and Rolling Stone like they were porn or something. Hey! Porno's would work too- I'm sure everyone has slutty-looking lips I could work with.

...I didn't say that. Keep your pornography to yourself, ya perv.

My next projects when I'm done w/ the table...

~something involving all of my CD case inlet things (do you know what I'm talking about? The book, the thing on the back w/ the song list...)- cuz really, I have a million empty plastic cases lying around because I put my CD's all in together in travel carriers. This is waste!

~a picture collage of my dad. I've had all the materials ready for awhile, but for some reason I just avoid it. Eight months have passed, and I think I might be able to start it. I've made two of all my friends, which I'm sure I'll make another, but this one takes a little more work.

~our metal lawn furniture! Right now it's a shade of white and rust with crappy polka-dot cushions. When I'm done with it, it'll be flamingo pink with green pin-striped cushions. This is an outside project that will be started in the spring.

Yay for creativeness. Where's my paintbrush, fool??

I am a moron!

(Big surprise, there, huh?)

Yeah, so my mom didn't take my car. She took the hoopty. I just parked mine in a different spot last night, glanced out the window, and panicked. Good lord I'm paranoid.

When she got home and didn't say anything, I ran to my car and got the ticket. It's sitting here mocking me at the moment. I can see it smirking, and I don't like it.

...jerk.


Sooo- I guess all is well in the land- for now. Something crazy is always going on around IC headquarters. I'll keep you updated.

Aaaahhhhh!!!!

How can my day get a little worse?? How?!?


My mom took my car this morning...and where did I leave my speeding ticket???


IN MY CAR!!!!!


It's not like I wasn't planning on telling her. I was gonna tell her around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning-

"Hey mom...

I'm pregnant, I killed a man, my night job is prostitution, I'm a lesbian... and I got a speeding ticket..."


"WHAT?!?! YOU GOT A SPEEDING TICKET????"

"Um, Merry Christmas?"


I need something swell to happen to me soon. Something that'll rock my socks off. If you know how that could happen- give me a ringy-dingy.

Wootcha!

So I'm gonna go to school today and attempt to sell my books. I need a photo ID...


Does anyone else see the humor in this??

If I'm able to sell them back, the money will go towards paying off my ticket to get my license back. Gar! This week is starting off badly. I better not fail my finals.

Here's some good through the bad though- I've found the books I thought I lost and the things that go with them so the RCC bookstore Nazis can't deny me the $5 they friggin' owe me.

I need a vacation...

IT'S THE END OF AN ERA!!!!


Tonight, I - Sandra Jeanene Goaley...


*sobs*

...got a speeding ticket. I KNOW!! I speed more than everyone combined, and now I get caught. Somewhere, somehow a lawn gnome is cackeling mischeviously because finally I've gotten a ticket. Oh wait- that would be all of my friends!

The world is changing, folks. My bubble has finally burst. What's next?? My bubble protected me from cops, accidents, and near-death experiences. Chrissy- was a Zorro hat in my car or what?? I should have pulled my infamous frantically yelling "No! No! No!" while waving my hands around like a crazy person. That's worked before... Too bad it was dark.

December does NOT equal month o' happy endings... and it's only the 10th. GRRRRRR. =)

Who slept in until 12 today??? Yeah, that'd be me!! I haven't been able to do that in a loooooong time. Yay for sleep!

Last night I think the combination of my lack of sleep, the whole finding out- yet again- that someone loves me but isn't in love with me thing, and various other things just caused me to be annoyed with the love gods. They played a mean trick this time around. I'm not bitter anymore, though. I got sleep, a cream savers pudding cup, and I'm listening to the Killowatts! I'm back to happy-scampy Sandra. My heart gets stomped into the ground all the time. Nuthin' new. I'm numb to such things. *shrugs* Eh- it happens.

Is it bad that I don't know when my chem final is?? I'm pretty sure it's Thursday, but I don't know what time... However, it could be Tuesday... Way to be organized and responsible, Sandra. Way to be! I dooo know that my history final is Wednesday at EIGHT IN THE MORNING. Fisherman are barely up at that time! Good luck with that.

Oh! Another thing that makes me happy- we get to sell our books back this week. I've got sooo many to sell, but the RCC Bookstore is run by Nazis, so I'll prolly get a total of $20.99. I just need to find that stupid disc that no one uses, because otherwise they prolly won't take back my excessively expensive Calculus book. Bah.

Renizzle is on! We've got some catching up to do- I'm out.

Wootcha!

Argh!

I'M NEVER GONNA HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

Why?? Here's why:

1- I'm funny. Funny girls get no ass. None!
2- I smell like a virgin. Meh.
3- "You're so great! You're like my sister!"
4- If I could be any more platonic, I'd have a penis.
5- I think I may secretly have one, which would explain why I turn guys gay.
6- Perhaps I'm too self-absorbed, and they pick up on that.
7- I'm a wee bit eccentric.
8- I'm not your average girl.
9- The color orange must be a major turnoff...
10- Blech.

So, yeah- I'm seriously starting to have self-esteem issues. This is bizzare because I love myself. I think I'm stinkin' awesome. Wait- I AM stinkin' awesome, boys just don't know it, and if they do it's because I'm like their sista from anotha mista. Maybe I should work on that...
Because I have NO love life, I guess I'll just have to live vicariously through that of others' by hooking people up. By the way- to all of you who I do hook up, and to those who are hooking...don't forget about your friend Sandra! She needs attention and loves you (platonically of course, I'm not allowed anything over the realm of 'unrequited'). Wha cha!
_____

Dear boy,

I dub thee King of Mixed Signals.

Love ya like a brother!
Sandra
_____


Anyways...

This weekend was soooo much fun. I think it's because Huff didn't go with us. Joe Straka did, and he's awesome. He's so laid back and mello. Woot for Joe. Also- everyone won something (except for me and the Davii). It was quite the tournament, indeed.

I was the only girl, which was alot of fun. However, I think I've broken into the 'one of the guys' area that few girls are allowed to enter. Hmmm. I don't quite know how I feel about that. It's awesome to have alot of guy friends, but in case you missed my lil aforementioned rant, it happens more than I'd like. I wasn't entirely ranting about them because they're my favorites. I think they're the coolest things since Carmex was put into stick form- and yes, that's a good thing. Woot for the speech team boys!

Cuz when the minutes seem like hours and the hours seem like days
Then a week goes by, you know it takes my breath away.
All the minutes in the world could never take your place.
There's one-thousand-four-hundred-forty hours in my day.


HANSON RULES.


I'm not gonna say that I've seen Hanson in concert, buuuut I have. I also have their Christmas CD and their "indie recordings" (heh?). I did not get their follow up album because I had moved into my Incubus phase of life at that point. Taylor and I were to be wed, but he forgot about me or something and is now married at age 19. SIGH. What could have been...

Also, to back Hanson up- a.) they wrote their own songs, b.) played their own instruments, c.) never had choreographed dance routines, and d.) kept it to a minnimum. Booyah!

Bring on the teasing...

Apparently to get my cool back, I have to watch Harry Potter with Mike...also American History X and Arlington Road.
This is gonna take alot of work.

We need to have a big Almost Famous night because neither Aaron nor Mike have seen it. WHY??? I don't know, cuz it's the BEST MOVIE EVER!!! (I do realize that I have no credibility with all my Hanson talk, but believe me here...)

The best quotes from AF:

-Feck you!
-Heeey! Well there it is. Your sister just said the 'F' word
-I think she said "feck."
-What's the difference?
-The letter u.

-We did everything but get you laid.
-[mishevious smirk]

-I could see how you could forget me! I'm only the effing lead singer!

-Purple! Your aura is purple!

-I am a Golden God! I'm on drugs!

-It's all happening!

-We are not groupies! We are Band-Aids. We do not have sexual intercourse with these men. Just blow jobs, but that's it.

-If you ever get lonely, you can just go to the record store and visit your friends...

I heart Almost Famous.

I swear, I leave earlier than usual one night- not cranky either, and y'all run amuck.


Amuck! Amuck! Amuck!


Buncha weirdoes.


Will December be month o' happy endings?? So far...not so much. It's only the 5th, but still. Things here and there are starting out rocky. I'm working my magic in certain departments (wha cha!) as hard as I can, but I only have so much power. I'm feeble....weak...can barely move...I...need...a...

Yeah, so anyways- my job for Sadie Hawkins (Friday- January 17th, 7pm, RCC- Mr. Oppernockity, Red Hot Valentines, Amazing Killowatts, Jump Sunday. BE THERE!), is "hospitality". So far I've learned that it means I get to hang out and schmooze with the bands most of the night. I'm ok with this job. =)

I just need a date. Any takers?? If no one comes along, my date is Suzie. No offense, luv, but I'm tired of dating girls. It's doubtful, but if I find two boys, then we'll both have dates. Woot! Too bad everyone around these parts have girlfriends and whatnot (mostly the whatnot- hmmm).

Yes, I know a date isn't required, but it would be fun to have one...especially since I do believe my last one was with Ben at the Children's Museum back in January... I didn't consider it a date at the time, but looking back- he probably did. He paid for me and everything. So it was my last quasi-date, anyways. I can't remember if I had any over the summer or not. Lots o' boy time, but I don't recall any deals being sealed...whatever that means.


...I'm done rambling now. HANSON RULES.

I'm going to lose sooooooooo many cool points by admitting this, but...



I'm listening to the first Hanson cd.
I'm singing along.
Loudly.
I'm enjoying it.
Alot.
I'm shaking my wammy fammy.
I'm not embarrassed.
I'm bringing it to listen to this weekend.
Bring it on, beyotches.


BRING IT ON!

I just fell down the stairs. Why?? My short little carnie legs, that's why! My pants are too long, so I slipped on the cuff and flew down the stairs. I now have a welt on my leg- ouch!


I have named this day "Creepy Old Men in Cars" day. Not once...not twice...but THREE times today I was waved at by creepy old men in cars!! The total was 5 creepy old men...

~First car: at a stoplight two creepy guys are gawking at me, but I try to ignore it. I glance over as we drive, because the light is green, and they both wave and smirk at me. I panic and wave back, but no smirk. The passenger was missing some teeth...

~Second car: a man with a mullet (yeah, that's right) drives by me as I walk from my parking spot to the entrance of JC Penneys. He honks, winks, and waves. I ignore it, scamper into the store, and put a plastic bag over my head...

~Third car: as I'm driving back to school, a car containing two middle-aged men "races" me until we get to a stoplight. I look over at the car and the two proceed to wave at me. I proceed to roll my eyes and move into the turn lane...

Yeah, this was all before 1:30. Did I look different today or something?? I mean, I didn't even have my pink beanie on. THAT's the money-maker, kids. I guess I wouldn't have minded so much if the five wavers had been younger and not so "Decatur-influenced".


...that was a generalized and shallow statement...

Bite me! They were old!

Woot like you've never seen before...






Thong tha thong thong thong...

Insensitive? Perhaps, but I found out I'm not the only one. Do you laugh when Charlie the blind guy runs into a wall and says, "hi"?

...cuz I do. So does Aaron Stanley, so there! Ha!

We're horrible horrible people. There's a special room for us in hell. It's called "Decatur".


This song goes out to my dear friend, Jessica- mainly because I have it set so that it plays whenever she gets online...

"Lola", by The Kinks

I met her in a club down in old Soho where they
drink champagne and it tastes just like Cherry-Cola C-O-L-A cola
she walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said
Lola L-O-L-A Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo - la

Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she sqeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman but talked like a man
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well, we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candle light
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
and said "little boy won't you come home with me?"
Well, I'm not the world's most passionate guy,
but when I looked in her eyes, well I almost fell for my
Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo - la Lo lo lo lo Lo - la
Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo - la Lo lo lo lo Lo - la

I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that's the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
Girl will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
La-la-la-la Lola

Well I left home just a week before
And I'd never ever kissed a woman before
But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said "Little boy, I'm gonna make you a man"

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and i'm glad i'm a man
And so is Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

My mother is back home and you know what that means??


Our house is freeeeeezing!!! This weekend my grandpa and I were all happy cuz everything was roasty toasty. Now the both of us are shivering and convulsing because it's so friggin' cold. Gah! Currently I am wearing (on top of my clothes) an old lady sweater, a jacket, my Pete & Pete knockoff beanie, two pairs of socks, and slippers. Yup.

So this weekend is another speech tournament. I think I'm the only girl going... Wha cha! Look out! =)

I just hope I'm feeling better. Today I was burning up at RCC. For those of you who don't go there, this is odd. RCC is cold and I was not. I drank some orange juice, but it didn't really make me feel any better. Will me to be well, kids!

Dug out from the deep depths of the "comments" section...


I just found it and it made me laugh:


~What's the deazy, my neazy? I'm 'bout to bounce fa shizzy. Keep it rizzle in the hizzle, my nizzle. Shoooot. Ain't no thang.

Tizight, skiznillet.

Out.


Posted By: Sandra

~and i quote...

"are you confused when i talk to you...?"

"sometimes i don't think you understand it when i talk to you" --S.G.

......mm errrr....woot....?

m.h.


Posted By: mike



I think I might be too ghetto for that boy. He's never heard of Dolemite! *shakes head in shame*


(Ok, so I went to a school with minorities in the negative percentile. We barely had Catholics! {I love you, girls} I don't know where I got my ghetto tendancies. Do you, Renee??)

Keep it hood.

So far, I'm partially right. Dang I'm partially good!!


It's time for a list!

A List of Things I Hate

1- Burning the roof of my mouth.
2- Getting in on the end of what seems to be a really good movie.
3- Waiting.
4- Shrinking sweaters.
5- Having a really funny story to tell, but it's only funny the first time you tell it.
6- Stepping in dog poo when you're in a hurry to get to your car.
7- Scraping frost off my car window when I'm in a hurry to get to school.
8- THOSE kind of girls.
9- Slow turners.
10- Mouth breathers.
(Yes, I know I've expressed my hatred for 8-10 before. I'm only emphasizing.)
11- Lee Lee Sobieski (I don't know how to spell her name, and I don't care because I don't like her)
12- Being confused.
13- Talking about things I don' t want to talk about.
14- Broken hearts.
15- Shopping for clothes with my mom.
16- Mrs. Hurst and Mr. Wadell (It's been a couple years since I've had them as teachers, but I still dispise them...)
17- Learning things about former friends from someone other than that former friend (if that made any sense at all)
18- Avril Lavigne
19- Having a fantastic hair day until you step outside and it's raining.
20- MY WUSSIE FRIENDS!!!!

My goodness this has been the longest weekend EVER. Is it over yet??

Happy December, kids. That's right- it's December. What shall I label November?? July and August were muddled together, September was month o' angry rant, October was month o' self-analyzation... so I'm gonna say November was month o' boybashing/mikehagan/aaronstanley/woot/zookey/crazinessingeneral. November was month o' headaches and crazy fun. Yup. Maybe December will be month o' happy endings? Ha! Dare to dream.

Speaking of Mike Hagan... I could say that it's rude to not call someone to say "Hey- I can't come to the Whit House Movie Night, even though you so kindly invited me, which I appreciate, but I've had a long day, or [insert good excuse here]. Thanks anyways. I'll catch you later."

...but I'm not gonna.

Not that anyone did that or anything... This is totally a hypothetical situation. I don't even know why I mentioned Mike's name. Hmm. How odd for me.

I'm also not saying that some soft-core may not have gone on involving females, but it did. Sucks to be the boys that missed it. We were all lookin' cute too. Suzie was hot, Chrissy was hot, Megan was um, "actively persuing us hot girls", Jessica was hot, and I was stinkin' cute. The big "bash" we were planning dwindled down to an average of four people at a time, but hey- ain't no party like a Whit house party (cuz a Whit house party don't stop). Wha what.