As quickly as I found a place to live, just as quickly it went away. It's my fault though. I just don't want to get into another nightmare living situation. I think its best if I just live by myself...or with Zach. I don't freak out so much when thinking about it anymore. We'll just get a two bedroom and I'll spring it on my mother when she least expects it. Sounds like a good idea, yeah?

I'm in the middle of a class right now and I dispise this teacher. It's not the other teacher I want to throw an aborted baby at, it's another one. This semester has not been a good one for teachers. Anyway- she has like this nervous tick or something where she spells the word she just said. Random easy words, for instance: "this wallpaper has a vinyl backing. b-a-c-k-i-n-g". She does it pretty frequently too and it drives me crazy. c-r-a-z-y.

For grins, I looked at all the Sandras on myspace to find me, and about 80% of them were asian girls. And a good chunk of them were lesbians or bisexuals. I always thought I had a middle-aged black woman's name, but it turns out I have an Asian-American, alternative lifestyle name. That's awesome!

I found someone to sublease my apartment. Well, she came to check out the place last night. It seems promising because she said that its the biggest one she's seen and the cleanest. She'll definitely know if she's interested by today, so cross your fingers!

I'm sick with a throat illness. Don't know what it is, but I don't like it. I got these menthol throat lozenges or whatever they are, so now I smell like a nursing home. Not only because of the menthol, but also because I peed myself and dribbled pudding on my shirt.

you like it.

Did you know Chicago has tornadoes? It does. Last night the weather was a fright and it was because of a tornado. I recommend not walking around downtown during a frightful storm. The hail will win- it ALWAYS wins.

My birthday is in twelve days. I will be 22. That is old and I'm turning into a cranky old lady. I'm already peeing myself! Kegel excercises, my ass!
...that's only inappropriate if you know what those are...


I haven't anything else to say. s-a-y.

A new look? It feels a little too unicorn friendly, but you know- unicorns need friends too. My comments are no longer secretive. They're all out and about now. So comment at your own risk. How 'bout I spread some Meridian gossip to have someone find and comment on months later? Sound like a plan?
Here it goes:

Chrissy Whitacre is engaged.
Suzie Whitacre is knocked up with either a Puerto Rican man's, black man's, or a Viatnamese man's baby. She's not sure, but we'll find out when the little bundle of joy comes into our lives. (I'm crossing my fingers for the Puerto Rican!)
Jessica Crump is a lesbian. Her lesbian lover, Tara, is in prison right now for battery. Apparently she beat some man at a bar for giving Jessica a once-over. Jessica fell down some stairs. That's her story.



I wish this was real gossip. I need other people to have excitement in their life so I can live vicariously through them. I don't need my own excitement, just other people's.


I am home right now. Home is grand. Home has my car, Wal-Mart, free food, and free laundry. Home has dogs and cats. Home has Zach. Not surprisingly, he is the only thing I have done since I've been home. And everything has been just perfect. I have no other adjective to describe right now, but perfect. No need for talks and tears. No need for sadness. I don't know, but being away for so long is just not right. It never has been.

They are tearing down my dad's church behind our house. I'm kind of sad about it because that building has so many dad memories in it. That was HIS place, you know? He did everything for them there. My mom managed to get one of the huge crosses that was on the back of it. I think she wants to put it by his grave, but I don't know- it's gigantic. That's a little too much for me. Dad was simple and I really think he would appreciate it, but think it was gaudy. But my mom is mom, so the cross will probably go there.

Speaking of Dad- it's about that time again. I really can't believe its been three years since he died. So much has changed since then and it seems so unfair for him to not be included. I just don't know how I'm going to react this year. Last year I thought it wouldn't be as bad as the year before, but it was. I feel myself getting sadder and sadder, so maybe this year will be the worst of all? Or maybe because I'm sort of getting the saddness out of the way, it'll be an ok year? Last year I made sure to keep myself busy and not really talk about it, but that didn't really help. I have been doing so well in not being depressed since I moved to Chicago, so we will see. It will be the first year I have been alone on the day, so it might just be like the first year where I curled up and cried and slept and ignored phone calls. But also, the first year nothing hit me on the 9th. It hit me on a Tuesday, because that was the day it happened. Last year it all hit me on my birthday. I don't know, I just hope that as time passes, I get better at handling it. I don't have to be depressed and in tears for him to know that I miss him and love him, right? Definitely not what he would want.

Zach and I took a little trippytrip to Bloomington yesterday to take a look at the condo and so I could get my store transfering thing figured out. They are opening a new store that will open in June, so it's perfect. I will work for that one, which is awesome, because it wasn't far from the condo and school. I only saw the outside of where I will live and I think it's kind of like where Renee Speckman lived in Carbondale. No one saw it but me and Chrissy, but it was wonderful, as this place will be. Lindsey and I are getting along famously via e-mail, so all is looking well in the land.

Does anyone know of anyone selling a car? My mom has gotten it into her head that she's not going to give me my car back, which is shitty because the geo is MY CAR!!! Fine, fine- it's in her name, but emotionally- the grape and I are soulmates. Anyway- if I don't have a car while I'm living in Bloomington, my feet will be my only form of transport. I think she thinks that because I did it in Chicago- where the CTA is abundant- that I can do it there. Newsflash, mother, Bloomington and Chicago are two different worlds. Two different worlds where public transit either is or is not an option. Yes it has a bus system, because I saw some, but I didn't see a stop anywhere near the apartments, nor around where I would work or where I would shop for groceries and stuff. I'm sure I could figure it out, but its not like ISU gives out U-passes to ride it which means I would have to have extra cash handy all the time. BOOOO. Part of the reason I wanted to move anyway was so I could have my car to come and go as I pleased. Ergo- I need a car, whether it is the geo or not.

Mike Hagan, you need to give me a ringydingy so I can see how neighbourish we will be, and to see if we will be Walgreens teamates!

Two blogs in two days? Unfuckingbelieveable.


Guess what kids. I found a place to live in Bloomington. I also found someone to live with. It isn't Zach, which I'm pretty ambivalent about, but he was being a slow ass in deciding where he is going to school, and I needed to find a place to live ASAP. Anyway- this girl is buying a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo and she needs some roomates to help with bills. Her name is Lindsey Whicker and shes been in the Air Force for the past three years and has spent a good chunk of those in Iraq. I actually just googled her name, because I'm a dork, and a picture of her handing a box of water to an Iranian soldier came up. It also says she was a Senior Airman. Don't know if that is her, but what are the chances of that coming up? Kind of intimidating. Its actually pretty impressive because Andrea was also in the Air Force and all she did was be a secretary for some church on a base in Florida. She seems really fun. I'm a little aprehensive because she might end up being an Andrea, but so far it doesn't seem that way. She kind of sounds like Sarah Flemming, so it should be a good time. Anyway, so this condo is already furnished, has a washer and dryer INSIDE the complex, has a dishwasher (praise Allah!), and the rent is half of what I pay now and that includes everything- all utilities and wireless internet. It's close to ISU too. I get to have my own room and she said I could paint it if I wanted! Plus- I'M GOING TO LIVE IN A CONDO, BITCHES! She gets to move in May 15th, but is going to revamp some things, so she doesn't really want people to move in until June 1st, so I'll only have to be home for a month. Viva!!

I'm so excited. I've been just giddy about it ever since I got off the phone with her last night.

I also forgot to tell you about the anti-war demonstration that took place in Chicago on Saturday. So a huge group of protestors wanted to walk down Michigan Avenue, but the city wouldn't let them so they pushed the march over to Clark St. where my Walgreens is. My manager was like, "If it gets out of hand, we can lock the doors." So all of us (probably just me) were hoping for some excitement. Nothing happened all day, until finally when I was the only one at the front of the store, this huge group of people with an impromptu marching band, banners, bicycles, etc... come marching by along with a million cops in riot gear. You know- masks, sticks, the whole bit. I yelled to everyone to come up and see the protest. (Imagine me clapping my hands and squealing) I had this vision of fires in the streets, massive clubbings...tear gas, but no- none of that. Just some peaceful modern day hippies followed by cop cars, paddy wagons, and iron clad Illinois Correctional Facilities buses. It was still pretty exciting though. It was probably the perfect opportunity for crime to go amuck in the rest of the city because it seemed as though every single cop was there. Seriously, make love-not war.


A CONDO!!! EEEEE!!!!

Erin Childers told me its been awhile since I've updated this. I thought it was too, but then I realized it's only been a week. A WEEK. Get over yourself, miss I have a boyfriend now so I'll give you sass.

I'm totally kidding. I love you Erin Childers and am thrilled to giddiness for you. =)


I come home on Thursday! I am sooo excited about it. I was going to try to come home on Wednesday, but I waited too long to switch my ticket and now the prices are way too much to switch. I thought I still had class on Thursday, but it turns out I don't. It's cool though. This means that I can hold off on packing until the last minute.

Lets take a minute to talk about Phil Collins. I failed to realize how awesome he is. Mike Hagan, does your store play an unusual amount of Phil Collins songs? Because mine does. Every other song is another Phil Collins diddy that makes me belt it out and shake my ass a bit. Or sway my ass. It just depends on the song. I decided that I want to be related to him. Phil Collins is my uncle, I will tell the customers when his songs play. They will believe me, I'm sure. "It's just another day for you, you and me in Paradise."

dont judge me

What else is new? I just bought a bag from neighborhoodies.com. An expensive for a poor college kid bag, but I really don't care. I'm already in debt out of my ear, so what's another dent? My bag died awhile ago and is hanging on for dear life by duct tape. This new bag will be orange and say "...she was a showgirl". It will also have three stars on the corner. It's totally a Sandra bag and I will love it more than anything. It will be my puppy. Lola my puppybag.

I also bought a skirt. I KNOW! Me in a skirt??? What is the world coming to. I look reaaal cute in it too. I wear it in my apartment all the time. Just me sitting on my couch, eating some cereal, wearing some slippers, chillin' in my cute skirt. Now its just a matter of when I'll wear it in the real world.

Whatever. For all you know, I'm wearing it now.

...i'm not







...wearing anything...


*muwah!*

A few quick things:


I got an official "Unfortunately we cannot give you acceptance into ISU right now, however you are on a wait list until June" letter from ISU. Why couldn't I have had my I hate Chicago revelation a month earlier?

I still plan on leaving here the end of April and moving to Bloomington. If I don't officially get accepted by June I will work full time and save up and then reapply for the spring semester.

I got a new coat. My bag lady coat is dead. My new coat is so hip it hurts. It's black and makes me look so "Chicago", especially when I wear my scarf the hip Chicago way. I still love my new coat. It's bitchin'.

A lot of girls at work don't like me and I don't know why. One of them told me that they were talking about me and were saying they didn't like me. I can't say that this has ever happened to me before. I'm nice to everyone so I don't get it. Oh well. This is why I don't like girls. I'll just hang out with all of the boys at work like I always end up doing because they are just so much cooler than bitches, I mean girls. No I mean bitches.

I think one of the assistant managers has a "thang" for me. He took a picture of me with his phone when I wasn't looking. He's always super interested in what I am doing on the weekends and after work. He always manages to take his breaks when I do. He's always real dissapointed when I'm not closing with him. Maybe he just likes me because I'm a good worker, but the picture thing weirded me out hardcore.

He's black and I called him a "slave driver", jokingly of course, and one of the girls was like, "What did you say?!?" and it took me forever to realize why she flipped a little. "Oooooh, right. They're black." He laughed and didn't get offended. She'll probably tell the other girls and now they'll hate me more.

Such is life.

"Would you rather be alone all the time or with me?"

"With you."

"Ok, just making sure you're still in love with me! Bye!"


...a brief conversation with that cute boyfriend of mine. I asked him that because my sister and her boyfriend are breaking up. They haven't officially broken up, but she sees it coming. The thing that made her realize it was over, besides the fact that they can't see eye to eye on too many things, was that she would rather just be alone and not see him than see him all the time and have to deal with him. That made me think a lot because I would rather see Zach more than be alone. So then I thought that it was all ok, but then I thought that it had to work both ways so I gave him a ringydingy. All is well in the land. =)

Except that I freak out everytime we talk about living together. Which might happen if he ends up going to ISU too. That's a serious business! I think I freak out even more because HIS MOM brought it up in a serious way, not a nasty sarcastic mom sort of way. Aaah! Why do I freak out?!?

I'm in a very "lets talk all about Zach today" kind of mood. I got some pictures back from the New Years extravaganza and there were a lot of cute ones of him. I want to show them to strangers and be like, "Yup. That's MY boyfriend!" I also want to show them a picture of him with a white trash mullett and be like, "I hate that bastard."

Anyway- speaking of the pictures. There's an awesome one of Terri looking all surprised/scared and in the background right above her head is my poster with a blind girl on it that says "Carol never wore her safety goggles. Now she doesn't need them." I don't think we planned that, but it makes me laugh. I took some of myself to end the roll and they made me decide that my head is a perfect circle. If you put a compas on the end of my nose, you could make a nice and neat little circle around the perimiter. It could fit in a cereal bowl for the love! There are also a few homoerotic pictures of Mike and Steve. My favourite one is of the two of them cuddleing next to my bed. Mike has this "I know this is wrong, but might as well" look on his face while Steve has a "when it's right, it's right" look. I call that one "Afternoon Delight". It's about makin' love in the afternoon.

A few of you got my text message asking what the colors of indie rock are. I asked because for one of my projects we have to do the corporate office lobby of some kind of business/service. Everyone else in the class is doing a spa/resort/"spiritual retreat"(spa)/cruise line who's target market is rich rich people. I am not. I am doing an indie rock record lable who's target market is poor college kids who only spend their money on CD's, rock shows, and cool shoes. Basically- my friends. ;-) I finally decided from looking at all of my cd's and looking through magazines and asking my friends, that the colors of indie rock are neutralized colors of yellow, blue, and red. The primary colors. Get this, my teacher (who I hate) actually liked what I was doing and where I was going with it. She doesn't like anything I do!


I still hate her though, and will definitely throw an aborted baby at her on the last day of class.

One sneeze starts it all. I just sneezed that sneeze where regret follows immediately after it because your head gets all cloudy and you can feel an illness coming on. I have been doing so well too! I haven't had a cold once since I've moved here. I haven't even had an ear ache, and that's amazing since while I was home I would get a wicked ear infection every other month.

I'm sickly and it's midterm time. I'm reaal grumpy about it.

Oh, everyone go rent and watch Wet Hot American Summer. It's so random and hilarious. Janeane Garofalo, Amy Poehler, Michael Ian Black, Paul Rudd, and many other funny people are in it. Just be careful when you rent it because the person will be all loud when saying "WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER is due back next Tuesday". I wanted to shush her and look around and go, "It's not a porn!! Don't judge me." Also, the kid who played Neil Schweiber on Freaks and Geeks is the voice of some kid. First I heard the voice and was all excited that he was in it, and then they showed the kid and I was all confused and then the kids mouth was moving and it was obvious they had dubbed it over. I don't know why, but maybe it's to add to the random silliness they had going on. Oh! Also, the girl from the Mighty Ducks movie is in it. You know- the only girl. So yeah- go watch it and think its stupid and giggle all over yourself.

I got The Notebook from Zach for our anniversary. I have yet to watch the actual movie. I have only watched the special features. I am not ashamed to say that I was bawling during the special features. I swear there is something about that movie.

Don't judge me!!!!