I move on Sunday to my new apartment. Then from June 1st until June 14th, I will be gone with my mother to various places. Colorado and Texas, I think. After that I have no idea.

Absolutely no idea.

Things are better, but not so better. I'll let you know how much better it is when I know.

I got a rejection letter from ISU yesterday.



*sigh*

And now I take a million steps back.


I'm still moving to Bloomington. I will apply for the spring semseter. I will work full time until then. How am I dealing? Well, pretty much, I feel like throwing up. What if I don't get accepted for the spring?


I wish I had a drinking problem. That's more acceptable than an eating problem. I have the second one, but you know that.

Stressful times.

I kinda feel like a lot of things have been stifled. Some by chance and some by myself. College has been stifled by me. I have stifled college, rather. See? I can do college. I know grammar, bitch!

It's kind of a huge downer to thing about how far behind I already am and will be. But I guess I'll try not to think about it. I just...

I need something to look forward to. I'm having a hard time coming up with things. And that sucks. I'm so negative right now. The last big thing that could have made all the recent shit seem not so shitty ended up being the shittiest of all.
Shit.

I hate that it's so easy for me to be glum and so hard for me to be happy. Like, a consistent happy. I think too much and that will eventually kill me. "She thought herself to death," the coroner will say. But that kinda sounds like shot with a lisp. I will be the reason I die, and that's one thing I can count on.

Who the hell says things like that?

I wish that I would have started this blog better. That I would have started it with the happy story of going to the casino with Mike, Erin, and Terri. Which was a ton of fun. But I didn't. Because I suck.
I don't like myself too much anymore. And what's worse is that I don't know if anything anyone can say can cheer me up. So, if you see me and I don't have much to say or I'm not my usual self. I'm sorry. One day I will return, but until then, I'm sorry.

But you know me. Tomorrow I will probably be freaking ecstatic about something and will tell you to forget everything I said in this blog.
I hope that will happen. At least I have hope for something, right?

Ha.

I have a black, 2003 Cavalier. I will be making payments on it for the next five years, but hey- I can afford the payments each month so who cares how long it takes. It's sooooo nice and it has very few miles on it. I'm excited! Tomorrow it will officially be mine when we get all the paperwork and stuff done, but yeah- I've got a cavalier, baby!

Woot.

Turns out the Geo sucked. It sucked hard. We drove it back to our mechanic in Decatur and it was kind of spooky driving it. They said it was a 2000, but everything just seemed older than my car which is a 97. When we get to the mechanic they found all kinds of things wrong with it. Ergo- I did not purchase a Geo Metro. Kinda sad, but not really. We'll find something better.

Turns out my mother is the biggest bitch I have ever known. But you knew that.


Turns out my new roomate is awesome. I called her yesterday to let her know I was definitely going to live there and she got all excited. Then later in the day she called me to verify the date I was moving in (May 29) so that she could ask for that day off of work to help me and take me out to dinner and show me around and introduce me to her boyfriend and friends so that I have people to know and things to do. She's.....nice! It surprised me because I'm not used to nice roomates. I guess I'll have to get used to it. A roomate that is nice to me?...what a concept. My new address will be 114 W. Locust Apt. 5. Not nearly as catchy as my last apartment, but it'll do. It'll do even better when people start stalking me. I better catch some people in my bushes! OR ELSE!!!!

I found a place to live!!! While I was looking at apartments through a company, the girl that was showing us the apartments was like, "I need a roomate." and I was like, "ok". And that was pretty much it. Well, I looked at it when she was done working and its pretty nice and it's like a block from campus AND it's like a 2 minute drive to Walgreens. Her name is Kristen. She's 22 and also has about a year and a half left of school. She also has a boyfriend so there won't be any annoying boyfriend issues. She also seems really cool and not a snobby Andrea-type bitch. I know this because she said, "I don't really like bars. I like movies better." A little voice in my head said "you and me are friends". The apartment is furnished and has fun green carpet. I'm excited!

I also may have found a car. A.....bumbadabum! GEO METRO!!! EEEEEEEE!!!!!! It's silver. And while I haven't seen nor driven it yet, I am hardcore in love. The dealer told us that a car that was exactly like the one we drove up in, only silver....and a 2000...., was coming in tonight and he would call us when it was in. And he did. And we are going to go back to Bloomington tomorrow to purchase this fine automobile. Well, I plan on it. Don't know about my mother, but who cares! It's a GEO METRO, BABY!!! It will definitely be open for humping when I get it. If you're lucky you might be able to hump me IN the car.

Who am I kidding. You are all lucky.
I'm easy.

I have sad news about my dog, but that will be for another time since the good outweighs the bad at the moment.

Viva la Geo Metro!!!

I was in Missouri this weekend for my cousin's daughters dance recital. My cousin's name is Melody. Her daughter is Cassie. Her son is Larry. This way I won't have to say annoying things like cousin's daughter anymore. Anyway- Cassie is 6. She's a superstar. She had softball practice the morning before the recital and we all went, and she was pretty awesome for a six-year-old. Larry is 9. He is a genius. He was tested and everything and he is a genius. He is exactly like every boy I hang out with- only nine. I feel bad for him because he isn't interested in anything his parents and sister are interested in. His mom is a dance teacher and his dad is a high school basketball coach. His sister is a superstar at everything she tries. Melody was telling us that he is interested in stuff they don't understand. He can talk on and on about some weapon in a video game or video games in general, and they have no idea what he's talking about. They want him to be active and involved in things during the summer, but don't want to force him to play baseball or anything else he doesn't want to do. What did all you nerdy boys do when you were little? I feel like I should send him music or good books to read, and be like- see? there's more out there than sports and cheerleaders and you are already way cooler than they are.

My apartment in Chicago finally got subleased. I'm happy for that. It was that one annoying string that was still tugging on me from there. It was subleased to a little old couple in their 60's. Cute.

Zach and I are perfecto. And that makes me happio.

I am done right now. Just figured I'd give a little update. I'm off to an eye appointment now. They are going to tell me I am blind and I will tell them that I already know that. And I will have to pay for it.
Boo.

First he bails for a late night booty call. Then he forgets about me all together. Mike Hagan is the worst BFF. EVER. He was supposed to give me a ride to Bloomington to look at apartments yesterday morning. I wait, and I wait, and I wait, then I call. HE'S STILL IN BED!!!! I was alone...cold...shivering....scared. All I wanted was for Mike Hagan to come along and take me to Bloomington. I was all worried he was roaming around lost in Macon. Turns out he was sleeping.

Ass.

You are lucky I am a) a forgiving person and b) had a car. Otherwise, Mike Hagan, we'd be through! It'd be curtains for our friendship. CURTAINS.



I kid. However, I do believe you owe me something for this. Something big since you are a tool and all.

Speaking of apartments at ISU, a huge fire broke out at one of them yesterday. I was leaving to go home when I heard a bunch of fire sirens, but I didn't think anything of them, because I've been in Chicago for the past 7 months- I barely noticed them. But then my mom told me this morning that there was a huge fire and like 50some students are homeless now. What a way to get out of finals, right?


In conclusion, Mike Hagan is a tool and there was a fire at ISU. That is all.

Things are pretty much back to normal. As normal as they can get. And that makes me reaaal happy.

For Zach's birthday, we went to Akemi (of course we did) with Minott, Matt Aufrecht, and Taylor- someone I've never met, but he's fun. They drank sake and reeked up the joint. Don't drink it. That shit tastes like easter egg dye. I ate my usual and it was yummy in my tummy. We were all going to go to a movie, but my sister was having a crisis, so I had to come home. They went to some movie in Forsyth, though. One I would have probably given a big NEAT to.

The next day, my favourite quotation ever happened. It still cracks me up. Here it goes:

Sandra: Yeah, when I was driving you guys home the place smelled like a bar- alcohol, cigarettes, and banana pocky. It smelled like a fag bar with fruity drinks.

Zach: It didn't smell like a fag bar....wait- you just said fag bar!!!

Alright, not nearly as funny written down. Zach did a bit of a double take when saying, "you just said fag bar!", and it was awesome.

I saw Jared Vogel for the first time in probably 7 or 8 months. He's still fun and great. That makes me glad. He's a time.

Now, time to steal some things from some people:

One you do:

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me? or did you ever have a crush on me?
5. have we kissed??? if no, Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When’s the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
15. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
16. what is the biggest memory you have of me?

and one I do:

1. Your name spelled backwards? wonk tnod i
2. Where were your parents born? both in Ottumwa, IA
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? ummmmm, since i haven't had internet for the last 5 months, and am now on my mom's computer, i'm going to say that it was probably either a beastie boys or a cure song
4. What's your favorite restaurant? at home- carlos o'kelleys, but in chicago- chipotle
5. Last time you swam in a pool? does my mom's hot tub count? if so, sometime last semester...november maybe?
6. Have you ever been in a school play? yes. the last one i was in was with chrissy. she played a duck, and i played the mother to the three little pigs.
...did i mention we were 16?
7. How many kids do you want? i used to want four, but now i want 2
8. Type of music you dislike most? anything my ex-roomates listened to....a lot of usher i think.
9. Are you registered to vote? yes
10. Do you have cable? no....*tear*
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? i want to sooooo bad.
12. Ever prank call anybody? yes, yes i have
13. Best friend(s)? they are swell.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? i want to do both. sounds like a good idea, chrissy.
15. Furthest place you ever traveled? california
16. Do you have a garden? is this a sex question?
17. What's your favorite comic strip? diesel sweeties
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? no, but i can rock the bitch hardcore on my clarinet
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? a shower in the morning, but i've learned that a bath is nice before going to bed. getting all nice and clean, just to get into some pajamas.
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? United States of Leland
21. Favorite pizza topping? burnt stale ass.....veggies and pineapple
22. Chips or popcorn? chippy chips
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? chapstick (why is that all the girls answer with?)
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? why are there always dumb questions like this on these?
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? no. i'm always on the outside looking in on them longingly.....why can't i be there?!? I'm pretty! I'm sooooooo pretty! I will cut you, I'm so pretty!
26. Orange Juice or apple? cranberry
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? zach/minott/matt/taylor- akemi
28. Favorite type chocolate bar? twix.
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? i have never voted at the polls.
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? last summer, probably
31. Have you ever won a trophy? yes. i used to win things. now i don't.
32. Are you a good cook? i could be if i tried
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? this is another stupid question
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? no
35. Sprite or 7-up? 7up
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? every job i've ever had. zoo- green shirt, khakis or jeans. suncoast- black shirt and khakis. old navy- the skin of the devil. walgreens- blue vesty smock thing and anything but jeans
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? alavert, so my head wouldn't explode
38. Ever thrown up in public? in a public bathroom, but i really don't think it was ever IN public
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? true love.
40.Do you believe in love at first sight? i like mike hagan's answer. you can be smitten right away, but you have to know someone to love them and work to continue to love them.
41.Can exes be friends? since i recently became very close to this situation, i'm going to say it depends on the person. i personally could not, mainly because i was still in love. maybe if both parties are completely moved on....like 3 years later or something.
42.Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? my dad. hospitals suck.
43.Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? i have had so much hair my whole life.
44.What message is on your voicemail? something lame. remember when it was ben folds? that was awesome.
45.What was the name of your first pet? misty.
46. Have you seen the fnords? again with the stupid questions!
47. What's in your backpack/purse? backpack- random things we stuffed in it so we could fit everything in the van when i was moving. i'm pretty sure it ranges from dish towel to computer key board. purse- sex toys. and lots of them.
48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? snuggle and giggle
49. What is one thing you are grateful for today? that today is a new day and every single yesterday is over. its about time i had that attitude.
50. What are you thinking about? that mike hagan is still the best person i know.